“I had sex with so many women, and it was so constitutionally disgusting to my core that I developed a psychosomatic reaction to having an orgasm. It would literally make me gag and sometimes even throw up. “
Will Smith is opening up about his first heartbreak, revealing that he used sex as a coping mechanism after being cheated on at age 16.
In his newly released memoir, which hit shelves earlier this month and is titled Will – The actor reflects on the disappearance of his first serious relationship with a girl named Melanie.
Will details that Melanie, who had lived with her aunt because her mother was in prison for murdering her father, had gone through a disturbing childhood. After her aunt threw her out after a fight between the two, Will convinced her parents to take her in.
Will writes that from the moment he met her, Melanie had been “the center” of his life, noting that she was concerned with “healing the pain of her trauma.”
“The look in Melanie’s eyes became the substitute for Gigi’s. [his grandmother’s] approval. I’ve always needed a woman to be successful for, ”he writes.
However, Will goes on to reveal that the relationship was short-lived, and things got worse after Melanie cheated on him while he was away on a two-week music tour.
Will reveals that after Melanie was unfaithful to him in their relationship, he turned to excessive and indiscriminate sex as a way to deal with his distress.
“I desperately need relief, but since there is no heartbreak pill, I turned to homeopathic remedies for shopping and wanton sex,” Will writes.
“Up to this point in my life, I had only had sex with one woman other than Melanie,” he writes. “But over the next few months, I became a ghetto hyena.”
Surprisingly, Will reveals that having so many sex eventually led him to develop a “psychosomatic reaction” to having an orgasm.
“I had sex with so many women, and it was so constitutionally unpleasant to the core of me, that I developed a psychosomatic reaction to having an orgasm,” he writes.
“It literally made me nauseous and sometimes even vomit,” she adds.
However, Will notes that his efforts to heal from being cheated on were in vain, writing that because he was seeking a meaningful connection, the indiscriminate nature of his sexual encounters had no effect.
“In all cases, however, I waited for God that this beautiful stranger was ‘the only one’ who would love me, who would make this pain disappear,” he writes. “But invariably there I was, gagging and miserable. And the look in the women’s eyes deepened my agony even more. “
Will goes on to say that although he and Melanie were briefly reconciled, they eventually parted ways for good. He details a moment of “resentment, anger, and destruction” surrounding their separation, and recalls collecting all the things he had bought for her and setting them on fire as she watched.
Elsewhere in his memoir, Will, now 53, details aspects of his sex life with his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, and recalls how he determinedly tried to “satisfy” her in the early days of their relationship.
If you didn’t know, Will and Jada, who married in 1997 and share two children, Jaden, 23, and Willow, 20, have been open about their tumultuous 26-year relationship.
“We drank every day and had sex several times a day, for four months in a row,” Will writes.
“I started to wonder if this was a competition. Either way, as far as I’m concerned, there were only two possibilities: (1) I was going to satisfy this woman sexually, or (2) I was going to die trying, ”he adds.
Will continues to share darker details of their relationship that developed over the years. He reveals that the couple decided to temporarily separate in 2011 after a brutal argument that occurred after Jada turned down an “ego-driven” birthday party he had thrown for her.
In an attempt to rediscover himself and seek clarity of himself after the separation, Will writes that he visited a tantric sex expert in Trinidad and traveled to Peru to perform various ayahuasca rituals.
Will details his experience with the intimacy counselor and tantric sex specialist, who helped him understand his thoughts on having a “harem” of girlfriends, including fellow A-listers Misty Copeland and Halle Berry, despite being married.
And Will spoke about the guilt he had initially felt around these thoughts due to his Christian upbringing, in a candid interview with GQ in September.
“That [the coach] What I was doing was essentially clearing my mind, letting him know that it was okay to be me and to be who I was, ”she told GQ. “It was okay to think that Halle is okay. It doesn’t make me a bad person that I’m married and I think Halle is beautiful. Whereas in my mind, in my Christian upbringing, even my thoughts were sins. “
“That was really the process that [the coach] It helped me to realize that my thoughts were not sins and even acting on an impure thought did not turn me into a piece of shit, ”he added.
Will went on to reveal that Jada, on the other hand, had grown up in a more “unconventional” environment.
“Jada never believed in conventional marriage … Jada had relatives who had an unconventional relationship,” Will said. “So she grew up in a very different way than I did.”
And Will went on to confirm that he and Jada are in an open relationship, something that had been speculated since the pair appeared on an episode of Jada’s show. Red table talk last July to publicly address rumors of infidelity in his marriage.
If you missed it, the speculation started after singer August Alsina said he had a relationship with Jada in 2015, with Will’s permission.
Address August’s claims about the Red table episode, both Jada and Will revealed that they were actually separated indefinitely at the time. Jada said it was after the split that she found herself in an “entanglement” with August, which she clarified that it had been a romantic relationship.
In the GQ article, the author noted that those who viewed the Red table talk episode might have thought that Jada was “the only one who had other sex”, adding that Will had “delicately explained” that this was not the case.
“We have given each other trust and freedom, believing that everyone has to find their own way,” Will said. “And marriage for us cannot be a prison. And I do not suggest our path to anyone … But the experiences that the freedoms we have given ourselves and the unconditional support, for me, is the highest definition of love. “
Elsewhere, Jada recently found herself refuting reports that emerged from comments she made that implied that she was finding it difficult to maintain a healthy sex life with Will.
In an episode of Red table Last month, Jada, accompanied by her mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris and guest star Gwyneth Paltrow, spoke about the importance of communication when it comes to sex. After Gwyneth talked about having “the best sex of her life” as a newlywed, Jada hinted that she felt different in her own relationship with Will.
“It’s hard. Will and I talked about the trip a lot. We started on this at a very young age, you know, 22 years old,” Jada said. “That’s why the responsibility part really hit me because I think you expect your couple know [what you need]especially when it comes to sex. It’s like, ‘Well, if you love me, you should know. If you love me, you should read my mind. That’s a big trap. ”
Shortly after the episode aired, many viewers took notice of Jada’s comments and described the couple as “messy” and “difficult”. Hours later, the Girls trip The actress took to Twitter to defend herself and clarify her comments.
“Just because I have time today. Stop making up headlines. Check out the @RedTableTalk I did with @GwynethPaltrow for yourselves. Will and I have NEVER had a problem in the bedroom. Thank you, ”Jada tweeted.